Why/Why Not Charge the Stands?

Ever since they called off the World Series, baseball has been trying to re-connect with the people, and show the lunch-bucket fan that the artist formerly known as the national pastime still cares. The Dodger - Bleacher Bum melee at Wrigley wasn’t what they had in mind.  And the donnybrook raises a simple question:

Why?

Why would anyone in their right mind mess with professional athletes on their turf?  That’s like getting out of the car on a Lion Safari.  And even more intriguing: Why would any player in their right mind charge the crowd?

I mean, thanks to the whimsy of our liability laws, the man with the job always pays...a lot.  Suspensions were levied, law suits are still pending, but I think it’s time to run our own feasibility study, a simple check list of the pros and cons,

        
WHY CHARGE THE STANDS?   
Revenge is sweet
 
WHY NOT?   
Transfusions aren't

WHY?   
That’s how I met my first wife...

WHY NOT?
In "The Natural," that’s how Roy Hobbs met his first wife, too.

WHY?
Choking a guy shows solidarity with Bob Knight.

WHY NOT?
Haven't you got better things to choke?

WHY?
A fan stole your cap

WHY NOT?
Maybe he was hallucinating on a tainted bratwurst and confused your hat was McGwire's 70th home run ball.

WHY?
The Bleacher bum is a part of baseball's fabric...

WHY NOT?
His blood alcohol level is higher than the entire rat pack combined.

WHY?
They call Wrigley Field "the friendly confines."

WHY NOT?
"Friendly’ is another way of saying "Will you sign your cap while I sucker punch to the back of your head."

WHY?
Ivy makes climbing the wall so easy...

WHY NOT?
After the lawsuit, you'll have to move back in with your parents.

WHY?
Hockey players do it!

WHY NOT?
Hockey players have less teeth than the little old bald guy on Benny Hill.

WHY?
I like beer as much as the next guy.

WHY NOT?
I don’t like breathing it.

WHY?
Baseball has encouraged players to toss fans foul balls.

WHY NOT?
They didn't mean tossing the ball at their face. Hard.

WHY?
A team should stick together.

WHY NOT?
Your game jersey is on it's way to the Center for Disease Control.

Add it all up and we’ve got more proof that, to quote Sartre; "Hell is other people."  And I think we’ve found yet another reason to watch the games at home.  You know, ESPN has a fine game on Sunday nights, and you don't even have to wear pants!  Take it from me, I’m Nick Bakay.